The Fourth “F”: When Fibbing Is a Nervous System Response (Part 1)
By Erin Clarelli, Ms. OTR/L & Jessica Jordan, MS. OTR/L
Fight, Flight Freeze…or Fib?
Does your child ever fib? It’s alarming for parents to catch their child in a lie and it can quickly stir up worry about values, discipline, or what this might mean long term. But what if we pause to look beneath the behavior? While some children may fib intentionally, in many cases, it’s possible their nervous system is responding to a moment of perceived stress or fear. Fibbing can, in some cases, occur as a nervous system based survival response, not a sign of poor character or moral failure.
As occupational therapists, we look at the whole picture including regulation, environment, and nervous system states when supporting children. Mental health has always been foundational to OT practice, and this topic invites us to rethink our assumptions around lying and behavior.
Understanding the Brain’s Protective Responses
When the brain perceives a threat, it quickly chooses a protective strategy. You may already be familiar with the classic stress responses:
Fight – The body prepares to confront the danger.
Flight – The body attempts to flee or escape the threat.
Freeze – The body shuts down and becomes stuck in place.
But there’s a fourth response Fib, that’s often misunderstood.
What Is the “Fib” Response?
The fib response is a nervous system strategy to avert perceived danger or disappointment, especially when the individual feels overwhelmed, afraid, or ashamed. This response is frequently seen in neurodivergent children including those with ADHD but isn’t exclusive to them.
This nervous system response can show up in several ways:
Protection: Although temporary, fibbing allows a person to feel protected from the fear of disappointing someone.
Deflection: Also temporary, fibbing helps an individual avoid anger or consequences directed at them by a parent, teacher, or caregiver.
Extension: Fibbing buys time especially when the individual has no information available, or senses that the information they do have won’t be received well by others or their own nervous system.
Self-Preservation: Fibbing allows an individual to preserve their self-esteem and sense of self-worth, rather than seeing themselves as a “failure.”
In these moments, fibbing provides temporary protection for the nervous system even if the child knows the truth internally.
Why the Fib Happens
Several neurological and emotional regulation challenges can contribute to fibbing as a default response. These include:
Weak inhibition: Difficulty stopping an action once it starts, such as blurting out a lie when under pressure.
Inconsistent attention: Getting distracted easily or struggling to focus can lead to disorganization, which may result in fibbing when the child isn’t sure what happened.
Poor emotional regulation: Big feelings like fear or shame take over, leading to fibbing as a quick escape.
Working memory challenges: The brain prioritizes immediate relief over long term consequences, making it harder to understand how fibbing might affect the future.
A Note on ADHD and Fibbing
While not exclusive to ADHD, children with executive functioning differences like poor working memory, emotional regulation, and impulse control may be more likely to use fibbing as a survival tool. This doesn’t make them manipulative. It means their brains are doing the best they can with the tools available in that moment.
What Comes Next: Supporting Nervous System-Based Fibbing
When we reframe fibbing as a stress response and not a character flaw, it opens the door to connection over correction. This lens helps us meet kids with compassion and clarity, especially when they’re navigating overwhelm or internalized fear.
In Part 2, we’ll explore how to respond when fibbing shows up, what practical support can look like in the moment, and how to build safety and trust over time.
Helpful Links
If you found this post helpful, you’ll love our therapy resources! Whether you’re a parent or therapist, our apraxia and autism courses are here to offer practical tools, compassionate guidance, and real-world strategies you can use every day.
👨👩👧👦 For Parents & Caregivers: Autism Training | Online Course for Parents and Caregivers
🧑🏫 For Therapists: Therapist Course for Apraxia and Autism | Mentorship for OTs and Therapists
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