A mom and her daughter are sitting by a christmas tree.

By Jessica Jordan, MS. OTR/L

A Christmas Reflection for Nonspeakers: The Gift Is Them, Not the Stuff

The holidays are a time of celebration. A time when we gather close to the people we love, revisiting nostalgic family traditions and making new memories along the way. There are twinkling lights, the familiar sounds of holiday music, comforting smells drifting from the kitchen—and the warmth of simply being together.

But for nonspeaking or unreliably speaking autistic individuals with apraxia, the holidays can also bring a season of pressure and overwhelm. There’s so much happening underneath the surface: motor planning, emotional regulation, sensory processing, and the effort of being in a room full of movement and language. Even when nothing is being asked out loud, the day can still feel full of invisible demands.

And then we come to one of the most anticipated parts of the day: opening the gifts. A moment that comes with its own kind of complexity.

Let’s Talk About Gifts (the Real Kind)

It’s a moment that’s meant to feel joyful. It’s something we pour our whole hearts into. We want our loved ones to feel seen and celebrated. And often, we pour a lot of energy into trying to get it just right—into choosing something meaningful, into creating a memory. The moment carries such importance for us that it can be easy to hyper-focus on the wrong things.

Did we choose the right gift?
Will they like it, and how will I know?
Will it look like they’re excited?
Will our extended family misunderstand their response?

But here’s what I can tell you from years of working with this community as a PT. Gift-opening is not a simple task. It can require sequencing, planning, fine motor control, inhibition of other impulses, and nervous-system regulation that we rarely see.

And often, this is all being asked of them in front of other people—with noise in the background, lights overhead, and someone across the room holding up a phone, waiting to catch a reaction.

So if the moment doesn’t match the picture you had in your head, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful. It just means it was a lot for your loved one to process.

This year, instead of evaluating their “performance,” let’s shift the spotlight. Instead of watching for a reaction—or worrying how it’s being interpreted—let’s celebrate them.

The wrapping paper doesn’t matter.
Their joy doesn’t need to look a certain way.
Their body doesn’t need to cooperate perfectly.
The real gift is that they are here fully themselves

They are the real gift.

Self-Acceptance… Starts With Us

We can’t ask our loved ones to embrace their strengths and challenges if we aren’t willing to acknowledge our own “good and not-so-good parts.”

It’s hard to do that in a season that constantly tells us to perform. To smile. To hold it together. To make it meaningful. To make it magical.

But our kids don’t need us to be magical. They need us to be honest. Steady. Present. And that starts with letting go of the pressure to get it all right.

It starts with noticing the parts of ourselves we usually try to push down:

The part that gets overwhelmed
The part that wants everything to be perfect
The part that fears judgment
The part that’s grieving
The part that feels exhausted
The part of us that wishes the holiday felt easier

Co-regulation is not just about offering calm energy; it’s about being honest with ourselves, too. It’s ok to let yourself be human.

Because here’s the thing: our loved ones pick up on more than we think. They notice when we’re trying to “hold it together.” They feel when we’re walking on eggshells or trying to mask our true emotions. They’re constantly tracking the environment for safety cues—including us. If we’re dysregulated but pretending we’re fine, it’s confusing. Their nervous system doesn’t know what to believe.

If we want to model self-kindness, we have to practice it. When we can be honest about how we are feeling and give ourselves a little compassion and grace, it makes a difference. When we soften toward those pieces of ourselves, it helps us stay more grounded and regulated. And our loved ones can feel that difference. They feel safer. They don’t have to work so hard to “read” us. Their bodies can settle. Their motor plans can become a little more available. That is the magic of co-regulation.

The Quiet Pressure of the Holidays

Even if your nonspeaking loved one isn’t being asked to produce motor output, this season still carries weight. The energy in the house is different. Schedules may tighten. Social expectations rise. The emotional charge in the air gets thicker. And apraxic bodies feel that often before we do.

Higher stress seasons tend to amplify impulsivity, shutdowns, looping, motor restlessness, hesitations, and disconnects, not because something is “wrong,” but because the nervous system is doing its best to navigate increased load.

So as you move through this holiday:

Slow the pace whenever possible
Lower the demands
Normalize breaks
Expect dysregulation, don’t fear it

You’re allowed to honor the pressures you feel, too. This isn’t about superhuman caregiving. It’s about shared humanity.

A Christmas Wish for Your Family

If there’s one thing I hope you take with you, it’s this: your presence matters more than anything you could wrap, plan, or perfectly execute.

Here’s what I hope you carry with you this season:

Your loved one does not need to “show” Christmas joy for it to be real.
You don’t have to perform holiday perfection to be a wonderful caregiver.
Their worth and yours are not found in outcomes.
The most meaningful moments are usually quiet ones: presence over performance.

The greatest gift you can give, this year and every year, is presence. Being together. Being in the moment—no matter what that moment looks like. That’s the most meaningful gift of all.

Helpful Links

If you found this post helpful, you’ll love our therapy resources! Whether you’re a parent or therapist, our apraxia and autism courses are here to offer practical tools, compassionate guidance, and real-world strategies you can use every day.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 For Parents & Caregivers: Autism Training | Online Course for Parents and Caregivers

🧑‍🏫 For Therapists: Therapist Course for Apraxia and Autism | Mentorship for OTs and Therapists

🏥 Work With Us: In-Person Occupational Therapy (San Diego & Long Beach Areas) | Virtual Coaching